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TO: Mahatma Jones, Director of Special Projects
FROM: Wm. E. Allendorf, prop. Black Hole Ashram
DATE: July 5, 1986
re: various matters, etc.

The Summer recruitment bonanza was quite a big success for the
Black Hole Ashram this year. Many new faces have found their way
to the Hole. Our quarterly membership figures are up a good
twelve percent. This has filled our hearts with gladness and
thanks to the Great Nurn. Let us praise Him that smiles through
the eyes of the laughing dime store Buddha on wheels. 

To catch you up on all matters new and exciting at the Hole, I
must first mention the conclusion of a peace treaty with the
leaders of the local provincial element. As you remember, the
Ashram was engaged in a protracted guerilla war with a faction
that we refer to as "The Hill Folk." Certain trouble makers on
the Heights had decided to come out strongly against the various
religious and social practices of the Hole. A series of car-bomb
attacks and death-squad hooliganism conducted against the Ashram
and its initiates had us convinced that somebody wanted us off
the Heights. 

It was finally decided to make surgical reprisals against key
strongholds of the troublemakers. J.W. Bear-in-Heat and I lead a
few minor harassment missions. These forays left the Hill Folk
badly lacking in needed munitions and logistical supplies--and
several square blocks of the Heights neatly leveled under an inch
of molten, radioactive glass. (J.W admits he gets a little
carried away now and again.) 

By the end of June, the Hill Folk were beginning to see the
light. An emissary from the Apostolic New-Wave Church of the
Burning Bush sued for terms. We were more than eager to dictate
our desires, since the several hundred hostages we were lodging
were getting to be quite a drain on our financial resources. One
does not fully grasp the overhead involved in upholding the
tenets of the Geneva Convention until one is in the middle of a
war and up to one's prayer beads in hungry prisoners. 

One effect of the war with the Hill Folk was the flood of
initiation requests we received this Summer--most from former
hostages. It seems the Hill Folk have an odd custom of
slaughtering their women after they have "been with the savages." 
What do you expect of a group who dances with snakes and eats

Our outreach program was inundated with calls shortly after the
release of the women and children. We are applying for a grant
from the Swami Bogananda's International Emergency Relief Fund
for construction of a new dormitory building. I would like you
to review the grant after it is written.

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